So I haven't updated in eons, eh?

I suppose nothing too interesting has happened. I graduated from high school, which doesn't feel like as big a milestone as it should. I've felt "out" of high school for the past couple years.

Well, I guess I do have an interesting bit of news. I think all of you know by now, but I am now in an official relationship with Jonathan.

Ladies, I just want to say a few words, and then I'm done. I know it sounds cheesy and cliche, but being sensible about relationships really pays off. If I'd jumped into one last summer, I wouldn't have learned nearly so much about myself, about Jonathan, or about God. Waiting for a year - even when I did want a relationship - was definitely the right choice. It was so hard to trust God about it, though...but in the end, it did pay off. (And will keep paying off for a long time, I think! )

It's so amazing, when God begins to bring that beautiful love story you've always wanted. Ever since I was a little girl, I've dreamed of "prince charming," a man who will cherish me for exactly who I am, who will respect me and care for me, make me laugh when I'm sad, celebrate the joy of life with me, and bring me closer to God. I've always had this picture of "him" in my head, always there in the back of my mind. And for the past five years, "he" was right before my eyes, but I didn't realize it. And that was a good thing, because I just got to know him as a friend, before I started thinking of him any differently. Of course, when I did realize that I thought of him as more than a friend, that was a whole other lesson to learn - the lesson of patience. Of not knowing whether or not anything would ever happen, and having to give it up to God...but I did give it to Him, and He took it somewhere more amazing than I ever could have imagined.

And the rest, they say, is history.

Journal entry I wrote yesterday, in a horrible depression. The Seattle airport is actually terrible when you're there about to go back to the East, to Chicago no less, which is the grossest city on the planet.

Anyways. Pretty much this is the whole deal. I did remove a few things that were more personal.

Yeah. Enjoy.

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"Happy" 2008.

I'm sitting in the Seattle airport again, except this time there are no Cowles.

I am alone. My eyes are red-rimmed and watery, and my nose is runny and my hands are cold. It's 8:25 in the morning...the sun is rising in the east, towards College Place...towards the Cowles...and towards the very distant, cold Michigan wasteland that I call home.

The 10 days were amazing. We did so much...if I listed everything it would take me all day.

Basically, it was amazing.

We stayed up all night last night. Drank 3 liters of Mountain Dew, ate Taco Bell, watched Braveheart, and began the long-dreaded task of packing up and saying goodbye. I have not slept for 24 hours and am beginning to feel it, since the caffeine is wearing off (haha).

Joanna went to her room and wrote me a letter, and Jonathan and I sat on the couch and cried and hugged each other one last time. It was so sad...and yet I can't believe I didn't cry more than I did. I think it hadn't really hit me yet that I was leaving. It seems so strange to be gone...I mean, I was just in College Place with my best friends about 2 hours ago. *sigh* Wow.

Joanna came out...we all sat in awkward, sniffly silence...then I couldn't take it anymore and so I ran to the bathroom, just to be alone for a few moments. I stocked up on Kleenex, came back out, and then hugged Joanna and held a mutual "Niagara Falls party" while Jonathan disappeared to his room to do something.

Then I packed up my stuff...did a last minute check to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything...

Then we climbed in the van and drove to the airport - the whole family.

I checked in, and then we sat around, me waiting to go through security until the last possible second.

Finally the call came.

I hugged them all - "Mom and Dad" (yeah, they're like second parents), Jonathan, Joanna....
And then Jonathan and Joanna again and again, not wanting to ever let go, but knowing that I had to.

So I turned my back on my best friends, and went through security. I couldn't look back because I knew I would completely break down.

And when I walked through the metal detector, and realized there was no going back, I lost it. I buried my face in a Kleenex and stumbled through the waiting area, up to the glass wall that separated me from the main lobby. The Cowles all came up to the other side and we sort of wrote messages to each other on scraps of paper. Finally, at the last boarding call, as I got up and shouldered my bag to leave, Jonathan wrote "I love you" and Joanna added "¡Yo tambien!" on the paper...

I walked out, turning to wave repeatedly. Finally, as I climbed the steps into the plane, I turned one last time...I saw them lined up, their faces pressed against the glass in the huge terminal windows, waving and blowing kisses...

Then I turned my eyes away from them and walked into the tiny little airplane. The stewardess took one look at me and promptly handed me several tissues. (Good thing - I really needed them!) I stumbled back to my seat and pressed my nose against the window, trying to see the terminal. I couldn't. All I could see was the cold rain trickling down the glass...perfectly reflecting the tears running down my cheeks.

It seemed like the plane took forever to taxi away from the terminal. But when it finally did, I craned my neck to look out the windows on the other side of the plane, all the while praying, "Please, God, let me get one last glimpse of them."

And I did. There they were, still up against the glass, still waving. And even though I knew they couldn't see me, I waved back, my heart on my fingertips, blowing silent kisses into the cold morning air.

As the plane turned, I could see them out of my window. I craned my neck as far as it would go, to see the terminal as long as I could, before it vanished behind me. The view was blurred by my tears, but I will always hold the picture of the four figures, fuzzy through the glass of the terminal windows, silhouetted against the light coming from inside.

That was the last I saw of them.

I leaned my forehead against the cool windowpane, squeezed my eyes tightly shut, and felt the tears come.

And, well, that's that.

*sigh of relief*

So I had to give a chapel talk today. I was absolutely terrified. I mean, I can get up front and play piano for song service, or do special music, or do skits and prayer and whatever else. But I've never been able to make myself get up and speak.

I was supposed to do it yesterday, and then classes were canceled because of the ice storm. So I'm thinking "Hey, obviously this is a sign from God that I shouldn't give my chapel talk." Then last night my religion teacher calls and says "well I'm supposed to do chapel tomorrow but I'm officially turning it over to you, because I really want to hear your talk!"

So I thought to myself, in the words of Napoleon Dynamite: "Dang it."

But yeah. Before I went up today, another religion teacher came up to me and said "Just pretend you're playing the piano instead of speaking." That actually helped put me at ease (as weird as that sounds).

I was soooo nervous at first...but I told a really funny story (the one about the 20-year-old who asked me out when I was 13 because he thought I was a college student), and the audience really liked it; they all laughed and cheered and everything. So that really calmed me down; I was so paranoid that no one would laugh and they would all think "Um, okayyyyy..."

Anyways, yeah. Then I tied it all together and made my point and finished up...and I was so at ease up there. It was crazy. I could really feel God right beside me, almost as if He was whispering the words into my ear.

Afterwards tons of people came up and told me how much they appreciated it. Some of my friends who are really non-religious and tuned out on anything God related told me that this was one of the only chapels when they'd actually stayed awake, listened, and enjoyed the talk. My religion teacher (the one who was supposed to talk today) told me that if she hadn't known it was my first time speaking up front, she would have never known because I presented myself so well.

I think this is an incredible example of how God works. There is no way that I could have done this a few months, even weeks ago. But recently I've been growing closer to Him without even realizing it. He helped me in an amazing way. I'm so humbled that I was able to bless so many people. And I'm so relieved that it's actually possible for me to give a chapel talk.

I think the next thing is to try and give a "sermon" (I hate that word, but what else do you call it?) at church.

I honestly think that I could. I have so much I want to say...and I really feel like God is telling me to say it somehow.

We'll see.

Who knows where He'll lead me next?